Coping with Change - why and how?

People tend to think that if you are in the field of Personal Development, that life is easy. Well let me tell you, the more aware you are, the more challenges you face. You see, we all experience change, but that doesn't mean it is always easy. So, how can we better manage it? how can we become more flexible and “go-with-the-flow”?, how can we be better manage the fear and anxiety and why is change even necessary?

I wish I had a simple answer or you, however I do not ... sorry about that.

Change is everywhere.
We are we constantly growing and dying in our own cells every day. Did you know that according to Deepak Chopra, every cell in your body is completely replaced every 7 years. This means that every 7 years you are literally a new you. The reason you feel like you stay the same is because you are having the same thoughts for those 7 years and perhaps applying the same behaviours as well. 

So why change? What if you are happy doing what you are doing? What if you are content and don’t want to change? Well, that’s fine ... you don’t have to change. I often say to people – if you are happy with how things are then keep doing what you are doing, however if you are NOT happy with how things are, then change is required. The challenge sometimes occurs however, when change is thrust upon you in the form of a losing a job, ending in a relationship, having to move house, friends moving away, births and deaths, etc.

So, if change occurs, whether you are causing it, or it is happening to you, what are some tools to help you better manage the emotions that come with it? How can you move through change as effortlessly and comfortably as possible?

I personally have experienced massive change over and over. Mostly because I have chosen to grow at a rapid rate and therefore have had to learn many lessons. One on the main lessons I remember learning was going from being a stable employee to an uncertain business owner. I went from being at the top of my game as a well respected, efficient and highly regarded full-time teacher, to starting my own business and having to do day-to-day casual teaching to put food on the table and pay my bills... what a learning curve.

Have you ever moved cities, started a new job or experienced massive change on a regular basis? How did you manage it the emotions that come with it?

As a casual teacher I would wait to be called in the morning, than asked to come into a school to teach a subject I usually new nothing about such as Maths, Music or French. (Can you believe I taught French for 2 weeks and I don’t speak a word of it – bizarre). The next day I would be asked to be at a different school, the next day another school. There were many times I was asked to return to the same school however after seeing fires lit in the playground, chairs thrown and frequent fights, I decided some schools just weren’t worth my sanity.

Most days I would turn up to a new place where I knew no-one, had to wait for directions that I barely understood (although I would nod my head politely to imply I received the information) and then i would fumble my way through having to ask for directions from others. Eventually i would find the desk of work that i was to follow, only to realise it was a scrap of paper that made no sense. Most times there was no class roll left to record feedback to pass on and no equipment in which to manage the class. I was then expected to inspire, engage and “babysit” 30 high energy teenagers for anything up to 2 hours at a time. I didn’t know their names, their needs or the expected routines. I was their toy so I had to call on ALL my resources to manage not only the room but myself.

I would have to negotiate to get books open, use sales strategies to get worksheets completed and clever linguistic strategies to overcome power struggles.  I could share many disaster stories of day after day being terrorised by young people .... yes, terrorised by the generation I loved and had dedicated so much of my life too. People would ask me questions that I had no answers for, I would walk into the wrong rooms and I would get lost over and over . Each time the bell would go and I would return to a staff room in preparation to do it all again. For someone who has always been a control-freak this was quite a challenging experience.  I was in a position of management yet I found it difficult to manage myself. This would happen day after day, each time a new place of employment, a new set of circumstance and a new set of dilemmas. I would often ask myself .... “How did i get here?”, but then the penny dropped....... I started asking myself a new question, “what could i learn from these new experiences?”

So, yes, I have experienced much change on a daily basis. For me the lesson was to let go of the control, the knowing and the answers. I went from high-end management to the runt of the litter and what a humbling experience it was. Perhaps change was helping me learn humility.

In this process of learning I experienced much fear, anxiety and uncertainty. After the initial shock and of course crying myself to sleep every night for the first few weeks, I knew i had to make a decision – run away and cry, or observe and manage my own emotions. I decided to consciously use this current challenge to apply all the skills i had learnt through my own personal development journey and learn to master the art of change, the mastery of my emotions through change.

So, how did I do this?

Each new day as I pulled into the driveway with anxiety circulating through every cell in my body, I consciously took some deep breathes. I imagined myself standing firm and confident in my body and I allowed myself to be OPEN to new learning’s. I walked into each classroom expecting to learn something from the people in the room – whether they were yr 7  or yr 12, they were going to teach me something..... and they did.

I also decided to take on the role of OBSERVER . This helped me distance my emotions from what was happening as well as taking any judgement out of the picture. I watched very closely the people around me as well as the surroundings. I LISTENED carefully to people’s words and body language, I looked for CUES in routines and expectations. I noticed key words, VALUES and beliefs stuck up on the walls and I used this to better understand the world I had entered. I then watched the interactions between others, noticed who the key decision makers were, who the people were to follow and the people to leave behind. I found LINKS in conversations where I could contribute and would support opinions of whomever I was listening  to. Through all of these skills i learnt to build rapport quickly and therefore build my own SUPPORT network. As a result, I had now taken positive action that would reduce my fear and anxiety of being in an unfamiliar place. My comfort zone had been stretched but now this change was starting to become comfortable.

Have you been able to spot the Self Mastery Strategies I have used?

•        Notice the emotions in your body
•        Breathe and imagine your strengths
•        Observe your surroundings – notice people, beliefs, values
•        Find common links with conversation
•        Notice the decision makers versus the whingers
•        Expect to learn something from everyone you speak to
•        Allow your support networks to grow

Often we go into a new place, expecting to be nurtured and supported until we are on our feet. Now, while this may happen to a certain degree, it is imperative that you also support yourself.

In my case, more often than not, I was not supported by others in a new space. I was left with no option but to support myself. By making that conscious decision to manage my own emotions, by observing and listening to my surroundings, I was able to open myself up to possibility, new connections and therefore a supportive environment.  Change is a necessary part of life because it helps us grow into our own potential. If we do not move WITH change, then life can become painful. If we resist learning new lessons, we keep making the same mistakes. The choice really is yours. You DECIDE to be open or closed to the change that occurs in your life, because as they say .... “the only constant is change”. 

The next time you find yourself in the midst of change ask yourself these questions

YOUR TASK from the SELF MASTERY TOOLBOX

I encourage you to notice any change that is happening in your life;

•         How can you grow in this lesson?
•         What are the opportunities for you to learn?
•         What thoughts might you have to let go of?
•         Who could you be with these new learning’s?

Think about it, sit, breathe and reflect ...... I ‘d love to hear some of your responses  - feel free to touch base any time.

With love and light

Daniela