Accepting our deepest self even if we don’t like it

Wow... what a ride the last few months have been.

Does anyone else feel like they have been in a washing machine for the past month? or whipped around an emotional tornado? Or is it just me?

All these emotions that I thought I had dealt with decided to come & play with me once more.  It’s like the door to the attic flipped open and all this stuff just fell to the floor. I can tell you that it has been an interesting journey.... different to many others.  I’m not sure if I have failed or succeeded as all I am left with are more questions than answers.

As a result, I haven’t written a new blog in a while, probably because it has been quite a tumultuous time. So much has been happening that i haven't been able to articulate anything.

For me, this time of emotional upheaval hasn't been an external experience filled with drama & life changing events around me, but more of an internal experience. I have gone about each day, functioning in the world as normal, but feeling utterly consumed in my own “stuff”. There have been many days where I have just felt like I couldn't keep going. I felt consumed by my own misery, sadness & lack of answers. I mean, where did these emotions come from? Was it hidden stuff or other people’s stuff I was feeling? .... and what do I have to do to move through it as quickly as possible? I was left questioning everything I did, I said and all that I was..... It was official.... I knew nothing.

With all the skills and tools that I had learnt over the past 30 years, I still felt completely alone, vulnerable and isolated..... I was left asking myself, “did feeling this way make me a fraud as a coach?”.....  “Who was I to promote “Self Mastery” when I had no idea myself?”  Perhaps that is why I stopped blogging over the past few months. I felt I had NO right to preach to others when I was consumed in my own black cloud.

Through sitting with myself I have gone deep into my own shadow only to hate what I had seen. How could I do ‘this’ or think ‘that’ and then promote “peace, love and mung-beans”? I decided I was a fraud.

Then came the questions, “If I am a fraud then what am I? Who am I? Where do I go now? What do I do now?”...... OMG.... my eyes were open to the real me and I didn’t like it.

Everything I had learnt, all the wisdom I had read & disciplines I practiced meant nothing to me. Nothing seemed to fit any more and I began throwing everything out. It was all fake to me, everything lacked truth, it lacked essence and it lacked my life force. I was being reborn and I didn’t know it, how or even why. It was painful, emotionally painful and I had no-where to hide. I was left with no choice but to sit with it and wait for it to pass.

So, in times of need, why not seek help I hear you ask? .....well, I have to say that I am very fortunate to have many loving, wonderful people around me. I did seek out family and friends to hang out with to try and shift my own space and when people asked me how I was going or if I was alright, I would reply  “yes, all good”. My head and heart were saying “no, I’m not Ok, I need help”, yet the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. Something was stopping me from reaching out. It’s like my angels where saying this one was for me and me alone........ Then the next barrage of questions & judgement came .......  “Why was I lying when I needed help?” “Am I that much of a coward that I cant ask for help?”  I told myself I trusted these people, they are my friends, my family, yet here I was speechless, left to my own devices in my own mind with my own emotions. I was left with nothing but myself. I simply had to trust myself and trust that all was happening in perfect order. I figured there were higher powers at work and I continued to go with the flow where ever it took me. I continued to take each day at a time, hoping it got better.

So, what is it exactly that I was waiting to pass? Well, without going into a lot of detail, the cosmic energies are very high at the moment and in fact have been high for all of 2012. If we go back to 11.11.11, this was an opening of a gateway into the new consciousness. One of being more aware, more present, and more awake to ourselves. Most of us have spent 2012 waking up to our true selves, our true passions, interests and strengths. For some of us this has made 2012 easy and for others hard. The end of this portal is 12.12.12 with the birth of the new collective consciousness happening around 21.12.12,  (the end of the Mayan calendar). This is NOT the end of time, but the end of our old way of thinking. It is the end of seeking money and fame, and more about seeking purpose and truth. When we are in our truth and living our purpose, the money and fame will come (if that is your destiny). So, what was I waiting for? I was simply uncovering even more layers of my own soul, deep layers of many lifetimes of learnings that needed to be cleared so the light of the new consciousness could be born.

.....Ok, so I’ve lost you a little with all the cosmic talk.

The bottom line is.... We have memories from many lifetimes and even stronger ones from this life time. More often than not, we will place a memory in a category as either pleasurable or painful. The danger here is that all memories have an energetic hold on us until we let go of the memory as being either good or bad. The new reality of NOW is that the memory is simply an experience for learning, neither good or bad – no judgement. As a result, you can let it go – you have to let it go. Physically you have moved on in time and in order to move into the new consciousness & live to your full potential and truth NOW, you MUST let go of all the energy ties/memories that have been holding you back...... just let it go!

Needless to say, I did have the tools to manage such times, and I now feel I have reached a new PEACE inside myself.

I have learnt that the next stage of my own self mastery is not one of perfection but one of LOVE. It is one of acceptance of both the light and shadow that exists in all of us. It is having the courage to acknowledge who we TRULY are as a SOUL.

 I am by no means perfect and free of flaws.... you need only speak to those close to me who will happily tell you. However I have reached a new place of compassion for myself. I am no longer striving to “get” somewhere because I am already here. I am not defined by my relationship (or lack of) or my job, by where I live or by the company I keep. I am not defined by my body, its curves or the colour of my skin. I am not defined by the qualifications I have, the successes I have achieved or failures where I haven’t achieved. I simply AM THAT I AM.

This has been my learning over the past few months. This has been my growth and this has been my destiny as I move forward into the next phase of my own self mastery.

May the love and light of your own soul guide you, love you and cherish you.

You deserve it :)

With blessings

Daniela Falecki

What to do when others rattle your cage?

Have you ever felt pretty centered only to be rattled by other people?

It’s been some time since my last post .... that is because i have been busily PRACTICING the laws of Self Mastery.  As I have said many times..... all is good in theory yet it is putting this theory into practice that is the real test.

The last few weeks has seen me interacting with a lot more people in the various roles that have found me. In these roles i have met amazing people, boring people, interesting people and rude people. I have come into contact with bullies, victims, leaders and whinges. Each interaction has left me questioning myself, my beliefs and my identity.

All this leaves me with the question..... how can we maintain our centre without letting other people rattle it?

I’m not sure I have an exact answer, however what I can say is that it is very easy to get caught up in other people’s stuff without even realising it. It took me a few weeks but I can honestly say that after buying into the drama, the blame, the hurt and the frustration. I have come out the other side realising that it is much easier to stay in your own skin.

You see, in these various roles with other people, I have been “trying” to build rapport by listening, sensing, mirroring and matching. While building rapport is useful, I think I took it too far and lost myself in the process. I forgot to include me in the equation, sensing me, thinking about my needs and trusting myself.

So, instead of thinking about pleasing others, meeting their expectations and wondering what they are thinking, I realised that while listening and meeting their needs were important, it was also important  to stay in my own skin, my own thoughts and my own feelings.

In fact, I heard a good story the other day of a man who would fish in the same spot every day hoping to catch a fish. The man would bait the line, through it in and hope for a bite, each day, the same spot and the same thing.  The fish looked on knowing they were in control just watching the bait go by until eventually, one of the fish took the bait and the main started reeling in the line. The main thought to himself, who is in control now?

For the last few weeks, i too have been taking the bait that others have set by reacting, getting upset and feeling frustrated. The moment I stopped taking the bait and started trusting myself is the moment I became free to swim in any direction I chose. I still listen intently, however i am more aware of watching where the bait is coming from.

Now when I meet a new person, I set my intention by being open, trusting myself and listening to my needs. Once this is done, I then enter the interaction with an open mind and open heart, listening, meeting, matching and building rapport. It is in this place that I am beginning to find my inner peace, put less pressure on myself and in return, get better results.

My question for you is...... who is baiting you? ..... and stop taking the bait.

With love and light

Daniela

What about when it feels like it all goes wrong ..... Then what?

THE SIMPLE LAWS OF SELF MASTERY - Part 3

A five part series to opening our heart, our minds and our spirit 

Self Mastery is easy when life is great, but what about when it all goes wrong ..... Then what?
Some people may think that because you work in the field of Personal Development that your life is simple & ‘cruisie’. Well I can assure you that my life and that of many other spiritual teachers or coaches I know is far from that.

For those of you who have read “My Story”, you will know I have come a very long way to be where I am now. In this process I have certainly had my share of tears, tantrums and frustration. You need only speak to my family or friends and they will be all too willing to tell you my flaws. What very few people do know is that I have had many days where I have been in absolute despair wondering what the point of it all is, asking myself what am I doing and does anyone even care. There have been many times where I have seriously thought about giving up, getting a ‘normal’ job and fitting in like everyone else. In my times of despair I wallow in my own self pity, complain how hard-done-by I am to a few close friends and then continue about my day pretending I am ok. Perhaps a few hours or even a few days later I am feeling great again. I am clear in my thought, I am ready to share and I feel inspired to carry on. Sometimes it can feel like life really is a roller-coaster.

It doesn’t matter where you have come from, it only matters where you are heading

THE SIMPLE LAWS OF SELF MASTERY (Part 2)

A five part series to opening our heart, our minds and our spirit 

“It doesn't matter where you have come from, it only matters where you are heading.” Oprah

In part one of The Simple Laws of Self Mastery, we explored the concept of BEING STILL and LISTENING TO OUR BODY with;
• The Law Of Noticing The Little Things
• The Law Of Living Life To Its Fullest
• The Law of Trusting Yourself
• The Law of Positive Self Talk

How did you go? Keeping a journal of your experiences, reflections and insights is a great way to measure just how far you have come. Keep in mind, the journey of Self Mastery is just that, a journey – there is no end just an adventure full of experiences.  I often find it interesting that it seems to only be in times of stress and turmoil that we seek solace in our journal and when things are well, we think we don’t need to reflect on what is going right. I certainly have my share of down days, uncertainty and asking for guidance, however reflecting on my happy days is just as important as reflecting on my down days.

In this section we look at the concept of GROWTH and MOVING FORWARD. As a living being we are constantly growing and changing on a cellular level every second. In fact every living thing is constantly growing and changing. It is a truth that the only constant is change. With this being said, it is also true that the path of Self Mastery involves change and growth. The next few tools presented here are designed to help you direct your change, embrace your growth and support your learning journey.

Lets continue......

1. Law of Filling Your Own Cup

I don’t know about you, but the older I get, the faster time seems to fly. Life seems to happen at a frantic pace.... with more demands, more learning and more responsibility.  Trying to juggle work, personal life, family, and social expectations can be exhausting. From my experience, this running around often comes at the expense of our inner journey. As life gets busier we tend to take less time for ourselves as we set about achieving our to-do lists. The irony is, if we took a few minutes a day to restore our own energies than we would have more energy to run our day. Imagine for a moment a glass of water that is full. Imagine you wake up in the morning and you are this full cup of water. You begin your day with getting ready, travelling to work, liaising with people throughout the day, taking phone calls, sending emails etc, Then you go home to family or catch up with friends. As you go about your day, you give a little bit of yourself to everyone– clients, family, friends, etc. If you get home feeling exhausted it’s because you have an empty cup. While it is lovely to give so much to others (some more than others), it is important to give to yourself as well.

Are You Your Own Best Friend? Do You Trust You?

THE SIMPLE LAWS OF SELF MASTERY (Part 1)

A five part series to opening our heart, our minds and our spirit

Are you the sort of person who is looking for answers to life’s big questions? Wanting to know how you can be happier, more successful, or just at peace? From my experience most of us are. The irony with this, is that more often than not, we find ourselves running in circles chasing, when we would be better served to stop and notice what already exists. I know this because I’ve been on that journey for some time and I wanted to share with you some simple tools I used to begin my journey many years ago. In the words from Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book “Simple Abundance”....
“The simpler we make our lives, the more abundant they become”.

One of the keys to self mastery is to practice simple abundance every day. Through doing so, you will come to realise that simple abundance does not require you to take time out or your day, but instead adds time to your day. As you learn to live with greater awareness, you will come to see that you do not need to add anything else to your to-do list but simple be present in the moments of doing what it is you already do – the difference is living consciously.... but what does this even mean?

Self Mastery Begins with Self Love

How many of you want to grow a business, earn more money or have more freedom?

I think it could be safe to say that most people fall into one or many of these categories.

When thinking of growing, we often think of discipline, planning and action – the core foundations of self mastery. Well, I can tell you from first-hand experience that Self Mastery only comes from Self Love. It doesn’t matter how much you want, yearn, crave and plan. If you are selling your time, your services, your soul, then it simply won’t happen. In order to gain anything, we must learn to commit to our self before committing to others.

The challenge is that in business, especially start ups, we are so intent on PLEASING everyone that we will do almost anything to get the sale. The irony is that often we sell our self in the process and don’t even realise this until we are working 18 hour days, waking up restless in the middle of the night and sabotaging our health and spirit in the process.

My Story of Self Mastery

My story of Self Mastery

I rarely talk about my past and the journey I have been on for the past thirty plus years, preferring to stay in the now rather than rehash old stories. However, it has become more apparent that people are actually interested in each other’s story. The more I read, learn and speak to people, the more I realise we all have a story. While this part is not fascinating, what is interesting is that we often underplay our story, not realising the gift in the story and how the messages and learning’s of this story can actually help others. It is through this realisation that I share my story - the story of how I have become of master of myself and continue to grow into Self Mastery.

Most people experience many challenges with numerous ups and downs. In fact, growing up, I had one of those stories filled with abuse, trauma, manipulation, hurt and despair.

I grew up in what you might call a “dysfunctional family” that was very multicultural. My biological father was Polish, my mother New Zealand and my step-father from the age of 2 was Lebanese. There was myself the eldest, and my sister 2 years younger, then came along my other two sisters some 10 years later. We grew up in South west Sydney in the Cabramatta area were the population was 90% south east-Asian – so as you can see, I had nearly all nations covered.

Growing up as a freckly red-head in an Arabic community wasn’t easy – I didn’t speak the language, didn’t like the food and certainly didn’t look like the rest of them. People would ask me what nationality I was and I would say “a bitza” – ‘a bit of this and a bit of that’. The great thing now is that I can assimilate into any culture at any time and feel comfortable, mostly because I am comfortable with myself and then partly because my experiences growing up gave me many opportunities to learn from others.

Apart from culture, there were other challenges.