The hardest things for parents can be seeing their child in distress after hearing the taunts and experiences occurring in the school playground.
I work with a lot of parents helping them reframe the bullying experience with their children and finding ways to better manage it. Here are some tips that I encourage parents to use.
1. Stay calm – it is a fact that our tone communicates more of a message than our words. If you bounce to your child’s defence without finding out all the information first, you will feed a victim attitude instead of a resilient, proactive attitude. Stay calm and ask questions. .....
2. Ask more questions – When your child comes to you and says they have been bullied at school. Instead of jumping on the phone and calling the school to blame the teachers for not seeing it sooner, try asking more questions to find out exactly what has happened. Questions like, what was said? Who said it? Where did it happen? What did you say? Then what happened? What else? How often? Who else? Keep asking questions and try and listen openly before choosing a response.
3. Bullying is NOT ok – acknowledge to your children that bullying is NOT ok and they should not have to put up with it. Find out the school policy and ensure your child has someone they can talk to or report bullying to. It is one thing to be able to manage a situation by walking away and another thing to report a situation in where your child feels unsafe.
4. Acknowledge the friends they do have – We don’t actually have to like everybody and everybody does not actually have to like us, it is ok to disagree. Find out what friends your child has, what their interest are what they spend their play time doing etc. Highlight how lucky and wonderful they must be to have such great, fun friends around them. Focus on what they have, not what they don’t have.
5. Stay connected & informed – People put a lot of pressure on schools to provide, social, emotional and educational support all in the same amounts to everybody at the same time – it is simply not possible. Schools are complex places where everyone is working towards the same aim – supporting and educating YOUR child. Speak to teachers, attend P&C meetings and stay informed about what is happening and how you can best work WITH your school to better support your child.
Overall, we as humans are all different with different needs and interests, add to this the complexity of child development and it is no wonder bullying can occur. As a parent you can support your child by listening, acknowledging & giving a proactive response. As Weatherly says “don’t worry your children don’t listen to you, worry that they watch everything you do.” Stay calm, stay clear and stay informed.
For more information on bullying and other tips to support you and your children go to www.adolescentoolbox.com.au
Daniela Falecki
Director Adolescent Toolbox
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